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hey one and all. I'm new clothed in. I'm my name is Samantha and I'm 18-F-NY. I uphold a big problem and I enormously need somebody to talk to.so here's the story: I uphold a friend named Matt and he has In doubt Character Nervousness (for persons of you who don't narrate what that is, I imply you look it up.) one time I first met him, he was dating my good friend at the time, Kristi. and stable I may well see changes in her. she stopped self-assured out with utmost of her friends and one and all, together with me liable Matt. I heard some rumors about it and went put aside with them. but with stay summer, Matt and I started talking and we started to like eachother. so I unseen the rumors and fundamental to give Matt a sweepstake. I broke up with this great guy I was dating for 3 existence that treated me like gold for Matt. I just felt like I considered necessary to try something new...ya narrate, when being with the extraordinarily person for 3 existence. anyways. Matt and I old for about a month ago stay summer and something was fine. but with he perfect up going into the hospice and that's one time he was diagnosed with BPD. bits and pieces uphold been like an emotional mushroom coaster the previously 9 months. I'm not enormously up for typing the unmitigated story, but I wrote this so you can get the idea...all the emotionsbottled up large inside of mereminds of of a volcanotop to shot.my eyes are tearing,I feel like I wanna whimper out.one and all wants to narrate the impartiality nowwell clothed in it is.ever because we first as of talking againI've been scared stiff of youscared stiff of all the rumors being truescared stiff of getting spelland what people strength do and saybut I gave you a sweepstake anywaysand for a when it was up to standardbut symbolic hurriedly bits and pieces person in command variableand something is falling to the leftso I grab you're in the hopsital...it's my discolorisn't it?you went late at night my backand lied to my face"give me unlike chance?"unlike sweepstake you got.only to blow it againyou lied againthinking we wouldn't find outhello!?can you grab me!?"give me unlike chance?"unlike sweepstake you got.I grab rumors...so spend time at rumors...make the rumors stop!he whispered, she whisperedcovers ears.make them stop!heads rotating.ahhh, I can't faithful it!stop it!stop the untruthfulness, pressuring...stop the earsplitting, manipulating...stop the yelling, foul language...stop the jealousy, menacing...stop the raid, grabbing...stop the cutting, punching...stop the burglary, sack...gather your mawI just can't faithful it!againand againand againstop it!stop cutting your wrists...now do you see that scar?stop cutting your thighs...fine, I won't tell your parents.stop harsh so fast...stop punching yourself in the face...stop breaking your window...what are you...crazy!?you need to faithful your medicine.you need to see your drop.I in limbo something great for this!?yes, I mean Vinnie.for instance of YOU,I person in command variable.this isn't me.what happened to that girl I like knew?grades are dipping...no time to the left.stable I person in command burglary...you started it.the snivelingthe headachesso unoriginal.I'm scandalous.this is so unhealthyI'm unhealthy.gratifywhy don't you just kill me now?you the uphold allege over meis this what you wanted!?yeah.what's that Matt?you don't like my hairy weaponshuh?and so I person in command shaving.vacillate.I grab you don't like shirts that say Aeropostale agilely the advance guardand stable even if it's one of my lovely storesI stop wholesale shirts submit.why is this inwards to me!?why!?why!?why!?gratifymake it stopI just wanna be happyyou don't make me happythis is what you do to medon't you see!?hello!?can you grab me!?this is what you do to meif this isn't emotional annoywith what it is?I'm the one that gave YOU somethingnot the other way aboutpeople don't narrate me.or you.or us.they don't narrate what happened.they don't narrate how spend time at chances I gave youthey weren't submitone time you were in the hospiceone time you went late at night my back and lied to my faceadded than like.one time you punched a difference in your wall.one time you cut your wrist right in advance guard of meone time you seized me downone time you seized my wristsone time you took my cell commerce unconscious from me and wouldn't give it backone time you punched yourself in the faceone time you punched your car window outone time you told me whatever to make me feel jealous or strife..."her pussy was in a flash...""her pussy was wet...""she has a nice ass...""you're too emaciated..."one time you got drunk and called me up and 3 o'clock in the be bornone time I sat up with you on New Days Eve and didn't stable get to see the ball dropone time you followed me and Jeff to the mallone time you held in reserve abilitythey weren't submitso who are they to talk?and who are you to tell me this isn't for the best?do you see now Matt?hello!?can you grab me!?and to this day, I still dunno what to do. one and all (together with my own parents) keeps telling me to stop talking to him and I say I'm going to, but never comply with straightforward and I dunno why it's so hard for me. probably I'm in suspense bits and pieces will change? I just wanna be happy and I WAS happy one time I was dating Vinnie. and the section is, I still uphold that destiny to go back out with Vinnie, but I haven't yet. what's misdemeanor with me? I feel like I'm in a All-time create in your mind or something. like I watch all these girls get dramatically and physically abused and I pan them for not getting out of that relationship. well now I narrate, it's not that easy. I narrate what I uphold to do, I just DON'T do it.any advice? I may well Exceedingly use some! feel free to watch. thank you SO much!

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