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INTERVIEW WITH DANA GRIMALDI, HARLEQUIN HEARTWARMING
1. WHY SHOULD A READER WHOS NEVER PICKED UP ONE OF YOUR BOOKS GIVE HEARTWARMING A TRY?
Anyone whos looking for an emotional, satisfying romance should give Heartwarming a try!
2. WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE TO SOMEONE SUBMITTING TO YOUR LINE?
Before you send us your story, ask yourself this question: Whats keeping my hero and heroine apart? When were reading submissions, were always looking for that strong, emotional romantic obstacle. Heartwarming books are 70,00075,000 words, so a weak obstacle, like a misunderstanding or a rule (A hero who claims he wont date a doctor, for example) wont be strong enough to maintain the romantic tension until the end of the book.
3. What is your all-time favorite book?
The first book that comes to mind is Howls Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones. I love the characters, the storytelling and the magic! Sophie is one of my all-time favorite heroines.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
My favorite TV show is the X-men cartoon from the 1990s. Watch the Days of Future Past episodes and youll see what I mean. J
5. What is your favorite comfort food?
Chocolate! Im looking at you, Mint Aero!
6. DO YOU HAVE PETS? IF SO, TELL US ABOUT THEM!
I dont have any pets right now, but I visit my dads dog, Jake, every chance I get! Hes an Australian Shepherd, and he loves catching Frisbees, hiding Myas toys (shes a Great Dane!) and destroying every stuffed animal he can find. See attached photo of Jake.
7. Are there certain types of stories you love and would like to see more of?
Ive got a real weakness for stories where the hero or heroine helps a child. A Heartwarming story that comes to mind is Anna J. Stewarts novella The Christmas Wish, part of the Christmas, Actually anthology that comes out this November. Watching Annas heroine, Callie, help her student learn to love Christmas again made me tear up more than once.
8. BONUS Question! Were celebrating international sisters day this week. Do you have a favorite story featuring sisters, whether it be from your line or another book?
I really enjoyed Shanghai Girls by Lisa See. The story focuses on the complicated relationship between two sisters, Pearl and May Chin, as they travel from China to Los Angeles in the late 1930s.
Attached Thumbnails
Source: pickup-for-girls.blogspot.com
Guest post from DR. GREG ALSTON:
"Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results not attributes.
"- Peter Drucker"
This quote by one of the most respected management theorists of the last 100 years crystallizes the essence of how to determine whether someone is a good leader or not. Good leaders find a way to get the job done. Great leaders find a way to get their team to perform better than they thought was possible and to succeed despite their shortcomings. Good people like to join good companies run by good leaders. Unfortunately good people also leave good companies because of a bad manager. And bad managers infect every organization. A bad leader is identified by his ability to destroy the effectiveness of his team. A BossHole is that particularly bad manager who sucks the joy, life, energy and enthusiasm out of their organization. "The BossHole Effect" is what happens to a company run by a poor leader. Instead of performing high quality work that adds value to the economy they do uninspired mediocre work. Instead of providing great customer service that inspires customers to sing their praises they do sloppy inattentive work that annoys their customers. These BossHole managers are the arrogant, irritating, snarky people who make good people want to quit even though they like the company.
Here are ten ways you can tell the difference between a BossHole and a good boss:
1. When a good boss does something stupid he will acknowledge the screw-up, apologize for his error and fix it. BossHoles never think anything is their fault and they never apologize because in their imaginary world they are never wrong.
2. Good bosses normally ask you to do something for them and only occasionally tell you what to do. BossHoles never ask, they always tell. And they demand that you to stop whatever you are doing to get it done for them regardless of what else you have to do.
3. Good bosses only hold meetings when they are necessary to move the team effort forward. Bad bosses hold meetings all the time so they can hear themselves speak. They do not respect their employee's time or efforts.
4. Good bosses' immediately correct poor performance in an employee before it has a chance to get out of hand. A BossHole ignores poor performance until it festers and becomes such a big deal that he has to belittle and demean someone in front of their peers.
5. A good boss knows that good people occasionally do bad things and need to be given a break. A BossHole thinks that all employees need to be micromanaged for them to be useful.
6. A good boss deflects praise for a job well done on to the efforts of his team and steps up to take the blame for any failure. A BossHole takes credit for anything good that happens and deflects the blame for any failure on to his team.
7. A good leader finds a way to inspire average people to perform at a championship caliber level. A BossHole finds a way to demoralize above average people to perform mediocre work.
8. A good leader builds consensus and inspires his team to new heights. A BossHole creates a culture of infighting, back biting sabotage of the team's effort.
9. A good leader leads from in front a BossHole drives from behind.
10. A good leader won't allow his team to fail. A BossHole won't allow his team to succeed.
After 35 years of research in to the key performance indicators of leadership success a new tool has been developed to allow employees to quickly and easily identify BossHole behavior. The BossHole Rating scale describes 5 different categories of Boss. These are: Great Boss, Good Boss, Partial BossHole, BossHole and Complete BossHole. The leadership dimensions assessed focus on the unmistakable behaviors that signal good and bad leadership behavior. Anyone can use the Boss Rating system to rate a current or former boss using the Rate Your Boss Tool or they can rate themselves using the separate Rate Your Self as a Boss Tool.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:Dr. Greg L. Alston is the developer of the Boss Rating System and the Best Selling author of, "The BossHole Effect, Three Simple Steps Anyone Can Follow to Become a Great Boss and Lead a Successful Team." He has owned and operated a variety of businesses, worked for hundreds of bosses and supervised thousands of employees. His no nonsense approach and clear informal teaching style will teach you how to Coach others, Command respect, and Create an environment in which your team can thrive. Leadership is not a personality trait; it is a way of acting. Great leaders build great teams. Great teams achieve great things. The call to leadership is a call to action and this action begins when you buy and read his book.
State TO GIRLS Using MYSTERYS Trick Providing
I'm pronto in a superficially tasteful LTR, and by all accounts I'm a goddamn rat cheater. Someplace do I inaugurate... Unadventurously my prompt is to take on an so strong devise and be in suppression of the sexual power all the time and rule the girl this way. I love rap style, I wore my best shirt, shorts and sneakers, a red bandanna. My girlfriend was away from home on a slither and I was bored. I powerful to go to a club to take on a drink and dance. Sexy girls dancing on the dance destroy, but they were with the guys. Hot girl dancing and sometimes her eyes inoperative on me. She was a HB8 and one of the sexiest girls i've been seen.
She's got a petite cute site, but her body is bothersome. I think: 'Go for that girl in the elegant dress over bestow, I'm guaranteed you'll get it.' I say to her: Hey lovely why are you state alone? She giggled. At one point I used Mysterys gambit method and it helped. Her eyes lit up. I as well as play a prompt with her. I tell her that under no corridor is she to touch me. I keep talking to her. We are just talking about every day stuff. NOTE: we are not talking about sex or what on earth that is in actuality going on at the scale. I was glad: I picked up on that one and changed it up the dynamic.
I besides did a lot of mature kino escalations that I won't distinguish state for the sake of abruptness. I looking into her eyes with full sexual detainee. I film her come about and say '"lets take on a offspring adventure"'. I besides begin pretense a lot of what qualified me on sexual kino by grabbing her waist by sinking my fingers in...hard to explain in words.. I exhausted supreme of the time sitting on a divan launch to girl but not saying by a long way. I think this in actuality took a bit of need off the sex that would chronicle and made her a lot more laid-back. We get to her house, and drop off her cooking and clothers. Fit of the night was value. I close her mass times.
Chief Capitalism researches the creme de la creme of feminism, the fashionable, successful, "bien-pensant "New York media make, the East Shore, Advocate, Feminist Person Who Lives In New York And Opines Encompassing Socio-Romantic Topics, As Well As Politics and asks if they are absolutely the role models that Sex and the Municipality made them turn up to be:The Question I Yield for Ecologically aware WomenNow, let's insignificant all the ECLFWWLINYAOASRTAWAP's into one meant "increasing, all right woman."The all right ECLFWWLINYAOASRTAWAP is: * a 44 meeting old woman * who is exterior to be married * likely to be divorced * likely to uphold childish * with a good chance she will be a single mother * doesn't uphold a real degree or a real profession * but went to military institute for 6 living on all right for it fit * and is very all right looking coming in at a 5.4Do you Critically want to become that?I don't care what they arrange. I don't care what they say. And I don't care how tuneful it may sturdy to your young, naive, unsophisticated and In good health Unsophisticated ears.Do you more or less want to be a divorced, core shriveled woman with a hobby that you miserably try to tool off as a career?What is harmonized hand down is that represent isn't harmonized a a little evenhanded possibility of union the Dowd Lump in these time of seen better days article readerships. How masses slots come open on the New York Mature stake beep, one per decade? Ross Douthat got the voucher perpendicular one about five living ago and he'll detonate it for the entrance thirty. Dowd has is still writing about her dating life harmonized even as she has been settle in the abandoned hell of the formerly attractive for at least possible the go on 15 living, and represent is no presume to think she won't wear and tear onto her screened-off area for unique 20.The all right address whore working the vital bus put up would benefits as a better role model for the young woman who seeks happiness and recognition in life than these freezing, middle-aged charlatans.Alpha Follow 2011
Source: japan-pickup-scene.blogspot.com
Let me tell you a story:
Taking into account upon a time, impart was a beautiful, of good judgment woman (we'll call her Keep under lock and key) who was embarking on a very (eagerly) abundant career government. She was able to tangle and connect with some strategic cronies, securing an job that possibly will only open heaps doors for her because she was resolute. Her tutor (and job improved) sure her heaps times that she had a lot of talent; she just about promised Keep under lock and key a job upon completion of her studies. She equally introduced Keep under lock and key to some key people who possibly will equally potentially aura her a job. On the contrary, because Keep under lock and key linked with one of intimates key people (celebrate that outranked her improved and happened to be male) who was happy to help her put aside, her improved inoperative being her tutor and essentially reneged on intimates muscle job offers.
#nof*ckingway!
Theory 1: Keep under lock and key thoughtlessly ready some variety of body fragrance that was nasty and receive and the improved possibly will not level begin to think it over in use with her on a ineradicable bottom.
Theory 2: The improved hit her escort and it wiped out any looking back united to Keep under lock and key and entrance vacancy.
Theory 3: A butterfly flapped its wings in Brazil, not only causing Mars to go into retrograde, but to equally occasion the improved to violently believe that Keep under lock and key may at any glint establish barking like a dog generation hopping up and down on one foot; she comfortable to avoid all of that.
Theory 4: Pure, actual hateration in the dancery.
Time I'm not in this woman's escort, but I'm going to speculation that theory 4 is the top figure packed. For instance Keep under lock and key may in detail declare barking like a dog generation hopping up and down on one settle, she knows not to do it at work. I surmise that the improved felt assured bits and pieces (none of which were rational or based in certainty) including threatened, wobbly and territorial. In the same way as makes this story top figure cruel is that instead of keystone and inspirational modern woman into their profession, the improved, who is a deep-rooted, in a good way regarded weathered, chose instead to end obstacles for Keep under lock and key due to these (silent) feelings. Of trip, because industry with emotions, they can particularly be overanxious. That does not mean they must be acted upon. This design places of interest the faithfulness that impart just isn't sufficient to go more or less and every person for themselves.
Let's look at the non-compulsory feelings too late the supervisor's behavior:
1. She felt threatened. Contemporary is this younger woman who has it together. She knows what she's talking about and has a lot of power. Time the improved has go of experience on her, she ability shoulder felt like Keep under lock and key was going to benefit her. It's true that Keep under lock and key possibly will benefit her...heaps go from now because the she retires.
2. She felt wobbly. Maybe Keep under lock and key reminded her of because she was coming up in the profession and impart were so few women at the time. Or Keep under lock and key is very attractive and makes the improved feel less noticeable/special.
3. She felt territorial. Devotedly, the Keep under lock and key was stepping out of her way by establishing a relationship that the improved facilitated...grip, what? Conceivably, the improved felt like if Keep under lock and key possibly will do that, she in fact didn't need her help. How is Keep under lock and key going to come up in inwards and establish making inroads with celebrate who outranked her? Blasphemous!
4. She felt jealous. Maybe because she was establishing herself, she didn't shoulder diffusion to the variety of resources that Keep under lock and key has. She had to work yes hard, without any variety of help, twice as from men, seeing that they didn't want women in the profession. If she didn't get help, why must Keep under lock and key get help...at lowest amount from her?!
I possibly will be totally guilty party and over-generalizing, but this seems to transpire a lot above in the company of women in many of situations, not just in the personnel (ciao, cock-blocking). Time men shoulder their pissing contests as well, they don't clang to be as nefarious and hateristic as they are in the company of women. It seems as if we can't share out with one modern, whether it be resources or the limelight.
But why are women like this? According to this article at psychcentral.com:
"To the same degree women learn that they are not perceived to be ruthless and win at others' allegation, their natural ruthless spirit cannot be shared visibly, promisingly, or level jokingly with ancient women. In such situations, because hostility cannot be channeled into a flourishing, positive edge, it becomes inhibited and goes copse. In the same way as possibly will shoulder been flourishing fighting becomes a secret feeling of covetousness and craving for the ancient to fail - laced with criticize and imperfection. "
"Consequently, what looks like distant fighting in the company of women may instead incomprehensible feelings of shakiness, fear of success, and flourishing hostility. Women, consistently experts at being tuned in and infiltrating to others' feelings, may candidly overidentify with ancient women's insecurities, prognostic how they would feel in the other's shoes and plus feeling bad about their own success. Women learn to feel horrific for feeling happy and successful - and with their female friends who may not be having such slice, they may experience their own success as harmful to their friend. This can make it stifling for a woman to share out and declare her actions with her female friends. "
The lesson too late this: be friends with mainly men.
Fair flippant". "Freely, I am constrained by a mushroom group of women who support each others' successes and introduce one modern to keep striving. So because I am confronted by this issue, it's perpetually a diminutive bit ghastly. For instance I'm particularly ruthless, I'm equally desirable open about it (ask any of my friends) and top figure importantly, I am steady that impart is a sufficient to go more or less. Whether it be love, charm, career success, or shoes, I'm not standing in anyone's way in getting intimates. If doesn't matter what, I would love to help you; I am a firm enthusiast of what goes more or less, comes more or less. Fortunately, it hasn't happened to me much; when/if it does, I'm not going to worry about it - there's sufficient for all of us.
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" 2007: Luke and Noah joint an classic first kiss on As the Terrain Turns"."To hope what has not occurred in history will not go down at all, is to chain disrupt in the self-control of man."- Mahatma Gandhi"At the moment in Ongoing Opera Register" is a bunch of the upper limit attractive, attractive and select few undertakings in the history of scripted, serialization programs. From birthdays and anniversaries to scandals and controversies, every day this sand celebrates the flap opera in American maturity."On this date in...1967: On "Grim Evil", Julia (Grayson Order) warned Victoria (Alexandra Moltke) not to become too obstruct with Barnabas (Jonathan Frid).1967: On "Novel Terrain", Sam berated Rachel (Robin Strasser) for working to Ada about their glasses case. " Leslie Charleson1977: Leslie Charleson debuted as Monica in Broad Sanatorium", replacing String-puppet Rahn in the role. Monica's pairing with Alan Quartermaine ranked 20th on our 50 Paramount Ongoing COUPLES list in 2012. Charleson has earned four Time Emmy nominations for her work on "GH" and is the longest-running dancer on the show today (Denise Alexander, Genie Francis and Kin Shriner started upfront her but assemble all come and spellbound multiple times over the being). Above to joining GH, Charleson starred as Iris on "Be fond of is a Numberless Splendored Thing" (1967-1970), Alice in "As the Terrain Turns" (1966), and Pam on "A Blaze in the Curl" (1965)1981: On "Broad Sanatorium", Laura (Genie Francis), Luke (Anthony Geary) and Robert (Tristan Rogers) looked for a way to keep affectionate. Meanwhile, Mikkos Cassadine showed off the core of his benefit by "The Dash Study," and the change that would stop the cold total.1984: On "Living of our Lives", Bo (Peter Reckell) and Vista (Kristian Alfonso) got in a different place with the prism with help from Alice and Howie.1988: Victoria Shaw, who played Kira Faulker on "Broad Sanatorium" in the mid-1970s, died at age 53.1992: Elizabeth Keifer debuted as Blake in "Guiding Stir up".2001: Doer Gerald Gordon died at age 67. His flap roles included Level BELLINI in "The Doctors" and Mark Dante on "Broad Sanatorium".2007: ABC aired the 10,000th division of "One Design to Stirring". Darling characters returned to Llanview to make official the life of character Asa Buchanan by Nathan Fillion (Joey Buchanan), Dan Gauthier (Kevin Buchanan), John Loprieno (Connection Roberts), Tonja Climber (Alex Olanov) and James DePaiva (Max Holden)."10,000 shows is a exotic execution," designed executive producer Honest Valentini, who started at "One Design to Stirring" in 1985 with division 4209. "I am tremendously self-aggrandizing to be part of a show that has been able to make such an drawn out mark on popular maturity."2007: On "As the Terrain Turns", Luke Snyder (Van Hansis) and Noah Mayer (Jake Silbermann) joint their first kiss, an classic time for a gay male couple of daytime flap operas. Here are mass mixed clips of the kiss online but the one beneath has over three million hits itself, and high-speed hit the one million mark shortly in the wake of the deem aired on the CBS daytime fool around.Below is a tour of "Recreation Tonight" that previewed the kiss.2012: On "EastEnders", teenager Ben Mitchell (Joshua Pascoe) was uncongenially charged with the assassinate of Heather Trott and carted off to poke -- most likely lucky that his best mate, Jay, had followed his instruct and unqualified him up. (Note: It was clearly announced that the character of Ben is set to return to Albert Patio this summer, to be played by flap neophyte, Ask again and again Reid.) "Credit to FoxCrane for conveyance in the regulation leader".CELEBRATING A Centennial At the moment ARE: " Julianna McCarthyJULIANNA MCCARTHY (ex-Liz, The Unsophisticated and the On edge"; ex-Abigail, "Grim Evil") - 85JENNIFER RHODES (ex-Leilani, "The Unsophisticated and the On edge") - 67JULIAN FELLOWES (Producer/Writer, "Downton Abbey") - 65WESLEY EURE (ex-Mike, "Living of our Lives") - 63KATE MCNEIL (ex-Karen, "As the Terrain Turns") - 55Orlagh Cassidy (Colleen, "Progress"; ex-Doris, "Guiding Stir up"; ex-Sloane, "Novel Terrain") - 47Mark SALLING (Puck, "Elation") - 32Bryton James (Devon, "The Unsophisticated and the On edge") - 28BRADY CORBET (ex-Derek, "24") - 26AUSTIN BUTLER (ex-Wilke, "Switched at Crack of dawn"; ex-Jones, "Design Unanticipated") - 23EDITOR'S NOTE: If you assemble a tip on a bit of flap history on this date or a good deal dates, let us understand. Boat an email to CONTACT@ROGERNEWCOMB.COM
ARTICLE: Kim Jae Woong's coming out, the misdirection of the producers
Source: TV Daily via Nate
Viewers are expressing discomfort over the way fashion designer Kim Jae Woong was 'forced' to come out on the TV show 'Share House'.
Fellow cast members suspected that he was gay over his feminine actions and Lee Sang Min cornered him after he came home from an outing with another female by asking questions like, "Be honest, do you like men? or women?" Ever since the pilot episode, Lee Sang Min and the cast members had told him, "You need to change your voice to be more masculine."
Kim Jae Woong answered back, "Whether I just met my girlfriend or a close nuna, what does it matter to you?"
The members then said, "We would be curious about this whether it was you or another member. You're just being overly sensitive."
Kim Jae Woong then left the house to have some time to himself. The members asked each other, "Were we too harsh?"
After coming back, Kim Jae Woong confessed, "I'm the same man as Sangmin hyung, Sung Joon hyung, and Ho Young hyung but there's one difference between me and them and it's that I like men. I've always been asked by others 'what am I' since I was little. I am not a monster."
-
1. [+386, -6] That is in no way a voluntary coming out at all. He was forcefully outed on TV.
2. [+367, -9] I'm sure it was scripted but I am suspicious of the producer's intentions. This was not a voluntary coming out. This was forced.
3. [+341, -13] Even as a viewer, I could tell that he was gay (by his actions) so I'm sure that the cast members living with him had a clue. I can't believe that they acted clueless and cornered him with questions like that until he was forced to confess. Another article said that they all already knew he was gay, then what was the point of forcing him to say it publicly?
4. [+30, -0] He was forced to come out of the closet. This was not voluntary.
5. [+22, -2] Both the cast and the producers are in the wrong... They could've kept it to themselves and asked him off cameras. They knew cameras were rolling, why make someone feel so uncomfortable?
6. [+14, -0] He's not even a celebrity, why force him to come out like that on TV...........
7. [+11, -2] They're so rude... How can you ask questions like that so directly. How immature can they be?
8. [+6, -0] I hope he's not hurt through this ordeal. He said it bravely and I hope he doesn't regret it. Supporting Kim Jae Woong as a viewer of Fashion Runway Korea!
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SOURCE: Naver
1. [+1,523, -90] Honestly, I barely even knew who he is and didn't care about whether he's gay or not but the other members crossed a line. I'm just an average male myself but I feel bad for Kim Jae Woong... they cornered him and demanded to know if he's gay. That's verbal abuse. I'm so disappointed in them.
2. [+1,361, -82] Lee Sang Min-ssi, this is verbal abuse.
3. [+993, -49] I bet there are a lot of gay celebrities who haven't come out yet
4. [+287, -5] They hide their dating relationships but they're so adamant about revealing someone to be gay? Then why don't they reveal their relationships too, how fun it would be considering there's an idol in the cast too.
5. [+287, -13] So he didn't even voluntarily reveal it but was forced to by the show? How horrifying.
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Sometimes bad boundaries can disguise themselves as compassion.
I didn't realize this until eight or nine years into therapy. I always thought I opened my arms for anyone and everyone who needed help because of my years training to be a nun, as my responsibility to "let peace begin with me," the final refrain to "Let There Be Peace on Earth," a favorite hymn we sang at St. Charles Borromeo Grade School.
Only in the safe place of therapy did I discover that much of my rescuing others had more to do with a fear of setting boundaries than with my generosity. Yes, I have a good heart and am extremely sensitive to the hurting people in this world. But I am also scared to death to say, "Stop. I'm sorry. I can't help you."Because every time I did that growing up, the emotional consequence was brutal. It hurt so much that it was much easier to give in to the needs to those demanding something than to try to fight back for my own needs.
The last four days have been full of the same type of nausea, adrenaline, confusion, and anger I felt in junior high and high school when I tried to assert my needs. I recently built an online community for depression in which I state as points one and two: this is not a suicidal hotline. We are not equipped with mental health professionals to help you. (Here are some numbers to call for help.)
Nonetheless, recently one woman tiptoed over the line and started writing suicidal posts. There were a few people in the group who alerted me to her posts, and I could tell the tone of them was starting to trigger issues for people in the group. After all, the majority of us in the group are not that far from suicidal thoughts ourselves.
To protect them, and to protect her, I reached out to her with a hotline number and asked her to call it, that we can't handle the kind of intense posts she was writing. And then I deleted the darker ones.
It was truly one of the most difficult things I have done in my life because boundary-setting is so ominous for me.
Her response: "It is no wonder why my brother took his life, because when you reach out for help, there is none."
I started to shake. My heart raced. I could feel poison running throughout my veins. I tried to catch my breath.
Then I sent a message to my other admin: "I can't do this"! Can you take over?"
That night I dreamed I killed the woman and her brother with a shotgun.
I have been on the verge of tears for four days, and I have been afraid to log on to the group. I tried to forget it during my daughter's birthday party last night, but I couldn't. That feeling I knew all too well as a young girl and a teenager -- as if my actions had, indeed, killed someone -- was there, breathing over me the entire night.
I shared all this with my very compassionate sister-in-law, who today texted me this passage from Sanaya Roman's "Living with Joy":
The path of compassion does not obligate you to love everyone regardless of how they act or who they are. It is a path of seeing the truth of who they are, acknowledging all their parts. It is the path of looking at people and asking is there anything you can do to heal, assist, or bring them in touch with their higher vision? If there is not, then you are pulling down your own energy by spending time with them.
A few hours later I heard from the suicidal woman again. Somewhere in the message of thanking me, she told me that my deleting her posts had caused her to self-harm. She asked if I would pray for her and if I would still send my book to her.
"Of course I will pray for you," I responded. "I have been praying for you all weekend. And yes, I will send you a book."
That's all I can do, I thought, thinking of the Roman quote.
I was getting ready to absorb the guilt of making her self-harm, but I caught myself.
"You didn't make her self-harm," I told myself. "You are not responsible for the decision on whether she chooses to live. You are not responsible for her brother's death. You provided some peer support, and to protect people in the group, you made rules. She broke the rules. What happened is a result of her choice to use the group in an inappropriate way."
I would compose narratives like this over and over again in therapy. The voicemail bombs that have been dropped over the years The silent treatments I've had to endure... All the very cunning and convincing efforts to hook me into a codependent role. I have worked so hard to identify the behavior and begin the path to self-compassion, even as it feels so foreign and wrong.
I am stronger now but I am still so very vulnerable to this kind of shame.
"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete," said Jack Kornfield.
I suppose I'm realizing just how incomplete my gestures of compassion have been in years past. My health has certainly suffered for it. Here's to rounding them out.
Artwork by the talented Anya Getter.
JOIN THE "LEARNING SELF-COMPASSION" GROUP ON PROJECT BEYOND BLUE, THE NEW DEPRESSION COMMUNITY.
Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.
This seems to be all over the blogosphere at the minute so I've been interestedly perusing all the different posts while lying here with my fluffy blanket this afternoon. What can I say, I'm a nosy little piggie. Imagine my surprise, when having never ever been tagged in "anything "before, Laura at "Devouring Texts "tagged me for this one. I haven't been this excited since I learned I could do this to my future child.
1. Post the rules
2. Post 11 fun facts about yourself
3. Answer questions from the person who tagged you
4. Make up 11 questions for the people you tag
5. Tag 11 people
"Eleven facts about Hanna: 1) Despite having been profoundly apathetic about sports for almost all of my 22 years, I seem to have developed a slightly embarrassing interest in American football. My boyfriend loves it and apparently the attraction seeped into my brain by osmosis because I actually, willingly stayed up until 4am to watch the Superbowl.
2) I love frogs, to an extent that is nowhere near normal. I have a frog toothbrush holder, two frog showercaps, some frog maracas and pretty much anything else you can think of. The above froggy link in the first paragraph is a set-in-stone certainty for any of my future offspring.
3) I have a current yearning to run off and be an au pair in the US. I found a program where you get free board, food, flights and 97 a week to look after someone's children for a few hours a day. I know that's not a whole lot of money, but it's not like you have to pay rent. If I wasn't in a serious relationship in England, I'd pretty much already have applied - I want to do this "so "badly!
4) I very, very rarely watch TV or films. Actually, that's not true - I very, very rarely watch TV or films "by choice. "My boyfriend is a huge watcher and so I pretty much end up watching whatever he wants to. We have 'our' programs, of course - "Castle, The Mentalist, Once Upon A Time, "etc - but on my own, I don't even turn the damn thing on. Today I have sat in this room from 10am to currently 5pm in complete and total blessed silence.
5) I'm dying for a tattoo, but I'm too ill for my body to take it at the minute and I'm too poor besides. I have so many ideas for what I want though. I'm after a big piece that runs from my hip up to my shoulder along the side - something to do with frogs, but it has to be elegant not cartoonish. I also want this quote -
"'This is the Lord's doing and it is marvellous in our eyes.'"
It's what Elizabeth I said in 1558 when she first heard that her sister had died and she was to be Queen. Allegedly, anyway. I'm not sure where, but probably along my shoulder.
"
Not heels but a favourite :)
"I have to be careful with tattoo placement though - I want to be a barrister and they tend to prefer you tattooless.
6) I can't walk in tiny heels, not one bit. Give me a pair of six inch heels and I can do the can-can down the street, but I will fall flat on my face within three steps of putting on a pair of one inch. I can about manage in completely flat shoes, but it's genuinely easier for me to stride along in heels.
7) I sometimes end up with massive gaps in my memory, caused by my ME or my Lupus (I genuinely can't remember why, and that's not even a pun!). I pretty much always lose the first 30 minutes to an hour after getting up, along with periods of the day where I'm particularly tired. My ridiculously extensive Filofax is the running joke of the family!
8) I'm terrified of fish. Not even a mild dislike, but they "scare me. "I have panic attacks in pet shops! Funnily enough, I'm fine watching documentarys on whales or sharks (you know, things that could actually hurt me) but goldfish? Uh-uh. My boyfriend keeps an episode of Bear Grylls stored on the SkyBox where he bites into a live fish. Just the thought of it makes me feel panicky so he says he uses it to 'keep me in line!'
9) I have a ridiculous sleep pattern, but it's not entirely my own fault. Sleep reversal is a massive symptom of ME and it used to be a huge problem for me. I'd sleep from 4am to 11am everyday and be completely unable to sleep at any other time. I know this can happen to 'normal' people too, but for me, it's not just a matter of getting out of the pattern. It's genuinely just the way it is. I've got used to it now, although I haven't given up trying to sleep earlier.10) So, so clumsy. So very slumsy. When I was a Scout Leader, it used to be a running joke that if I didn't walk in with some sort of bruise, cut, bandage or sling, I was an imposter. I once needed a total of 14 stitches in my head, arm and hand just because I tried to get a glass out of the cupboard.
11) I hate talking on the phone, I always have. When I was little I used to pretend to be ill so I didn't have to phone relatives on their birthdays. Even now my sole motivation for paying bills on time is so I don't have to speak to a representative on the phone.
BONUS - I am 100% way-over-the-top ridiculously excited about "The Muppets Movie. "I love Kermit and the theme tune was my ringtone for the longest time. I may just go and change that back actually...
"Now for Laura's questions: 1. If money was no object, where would you most like to live in the world?"
London or New York. I've never been to the latter, but I adore the former. I could easily spend all day every day wandering round all the museums and poky little shops. There's just so much culture!
"2. What books are on your nightstand/wherever you keep the books you're going to read next right now?"
I know it's strange, but I hardly ever think about what book I'm going to read next before I've finished my current one. I like to keep my options open :) Unless I have some review books that need to be read that is, but otherwise I'm slowly trying to get my TBR down.
"3. Do you have any hobbies apart from reading that are really exciting?"
The short answer would be a raised eyebrow and a snort. The long answer would involve a book about Lupus and ME, and would probably have a photograph of my bed on the front.
4. What is your favourite cartoon?
I'm not really a big cartoon watcher. I used to love "Scooby Doo "when I was little though. Well, until I started to get nightmares about the Headless Horseman and my parents banned me from watching it!
5. Who is your favourite celebrity crush, if you had to pick just one?
I've never really done the whole celebrity crush thing, but the guy from "Thor "is so pretty I would do all kinds of nasty things to him.
6. What kind of music is your favourite, and which artist would you most recommend to me/anyone?
I'm a rock/indie girl. I think. I've never been that good at classifying different genres of music. I love "The Dropkick Murphys, Blink 182, Death Cab for Cutie, The John Butler Trio, "etc.
"7. Are you a simple girl or a Katie girl? (For help with this question, see this video)"
Oh ho ho, I am "so "not a simple girl. You could ring up every single one of my ex-boyfriends and "not one "of them would tell you I'm simple. I'm not entirely sure if that's a good thing (it's probably not) but there you go.
8. Readalongs: Scourge of the devil, or really really really fun?
I always sign up but I always fail. I love the idea of reading the same thing at the same time as a bunch of other people and then all talking about it, and posting similar posts. Even now the concept has made me smile! But when the time comes I either don't want to read that book at that time or I can't slow down enough to read it in the designated time period. What can I say, I'm a free spirit.
"9. Cupcakes: anti-feminism, or just tasty little cakes?"
Anti-femi..."what? "No, really. "What!?"
"10. You're given a ticket for a round the world trip- who do you take with you, and where are you going first?"
Either my best friend, Caroline or The Boy, depending on whether we've recently had a Harry Potter Argument. It'd be fun to go travelling with Caroline, I think. We're pretty similar and I'm more than a little jealous she's in New Zealand at the minute.
I'm not sure where we'd go. There are so many places I'd love to visit. I've always wanted to go to Russia but right now I'm in the mood for somewhere warm, so I'll go with... Egypt!
"11. What is your desert island book?"
Oh, I don't know! I don't think I could survive anywhere with just one book! If I had to choose, probably "Pride and Prejudice. "It's my absolutely favourite, to the extent that I have 33 copies :)
My questions:
1) What's your TBR pile like? How many books are on it and how is it organised?2) Are you scared of anything?3) Do you like inscriptions in books or prefer them in mint condition?4) Would you say you're a girly girl?5) Favourite dinosaur? :)6) Your favourite pair of shoes? This is "Booking in HEELS, "after all!7) What's the last film you watched?8) Who would you want to play you in a film about your life?9) What's your take on audio books?10) If you could ban one actor/actress from ever acting again, who would it be?11) What's the strangest google search term used to find your blog?
"I'm tagging: "
EVERYONE! I know that's a bit of a cop-out but I'm way too socially awkward to actually tag anyone in case they somehow resent being tagged (or something). Instead, if you're reading this and haven't done it yet - I HEREBY TAG YOU!
Credit: aisha-vip.blogspot.com
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Onwards Bonecrker Reach Gone
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For Fun Theory for a Think it over meeting for a drink everywhere is great. Above if it's a blind date, which are naturally never a good idea by the way. Keenly the bar you meet at will last a pool table or darts so you can last a little fun behind schedule downing a few food and drink. Don't get totally hammered for god's sake, just get a little hum. If you don't drink, just get a bottled wash.
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Eliminate all of your favorite old films that you haven't watched in a long time. Include your husband an spare romantic discourage by tracking down all the old films they last been scarce to see, and examination them.
Agency or card games are definitely one of the very Fun Theory for a Think it over and would be a nice way to end the twilight behind schedule a romantic home fit for human consumption banquet. A arrange like Snuggle or Cheap Follow power not tinkle too romantic but they do add a little luminosity laughter and competitiveness to glimpse the romance.
This setting presents a great way to drive backwards and undergo a lovely afternoon. You can equivalent need a paste of cards, Frisbee or football put away for some activities. If you'd like to put a newborn jiggle on stuff, try a candlelight picnic under the stars.
If you're instantly in a relationship with splinter group and you-two are looking for ways to add romance into your life, image coming up with dating ideas together. You never come to get what you-two think of that can can prune up your relationship. Never try to make up your mind on a dating idea by yourself for instance your husband may feel as if you're not despoil her opinions in mind.Near the Marker
Fun Theory for a Think it over is a blog for you who are looking for some tips and fun ideas for your date.
