TO MAKE (SOMEONE) FEEL GUILTY, ESP. IN ORDER TO INDUCE THEM TO DO SOMETHING.
It is very common for trauma survivors to feel guilty. One of the reasons is because when you have survived traumas like; sexual, emotional, physical and spiritual abuse the abuser makes you feel guilt. For instance when I was growing up with Ruth she never took any responsibility for her actions. Her actions were always blamed on others. When you are told that you caused something even if you didn't after a while you start to believe it. She spent a lot of time telling anyone who would listen what a terrible kid I was. If we went out shopping and bumped into people they would say to her things like Roseann is a good kid. Ruth's response was always you should live with her. She isn't as good as you think. It would always make me feel terrible. I remember thinking how it would have been nice of her to at least once agree that I was a good kid.
I couldn't imagine as a parent trying to make people believe my sons or daughter weren't good people. I have always taken great pride in supporting my kids. If people said anything to me about how they were good kids it would make me proud. I didn't try to knock them down a notch by saying something mean. I never took pleasure in making my kids feel bad about themselves. I am not saying that I am perfect and didn't make mistakes as a mother because that would be a lie.
When I was in domestic violence my ex tried several ways to guilt me into doing things. He never took responsibility for his actions. If he didn't like his job it was my fault. If he didn't like just about anything it was always my fault. If only I had cooked a better meal, if only I had cleaned the house better, if only I took care of the kids better. When I left him once and filed for divorce he came by where I was living and left a Bible with a note telling me to read certain passages. When I looked through the Bible I found passages underlined. He wrote notes near the passage explaining how God didn't want me to divorce him and how the passage proved it. If I wasn't at the place emotionally and spiritually as I was when I received this Bible I may have bought into his opinions. I'm thankful I didn't. Another reason to feel gratitude.
Those who purposely traumatize others do so by placing blame and shame onto the person who is being traumatized. There is a old saying: Sticks and stone may break my bones but names will never hurt you. This is not true words do hurt. They hurt a persons soul, psyche and self-esteem. These words then become internalized as guilt. The survivor has to deal with this guilt until they are able to get to a point where they have healed form it. If you add P.T.S.D. on top of guilt the survivor then has compounded issues to deal with. Guilt can be so bad that a person tries or succeeds at committing suicide.
Healing from guilt for me has been a long process. There are still things I feel guilty for. I do not feel as guilty as I used to. I am able logically to think through my guilt and am able to let it go most of the time. I hope I get to the point that I become completely able to not feel guilty for things I had no control over. The serenity prayer is helpful for that. Have a blessed night, Rosie http://memoirofaredemptivelife.com
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