Wanted Fresh Young And Pretty Female Corpse For Chinese Ghost Bride

The newly deceased bodies of young women in rural China are in increasing demand for superstitious families to use as, "ghost brides" for sons who died before marrying, to prevent the unmarried dead from haunting the family.The 2,000 year old practice of spirit brides is becoming more difficult to sustain in a modern twenty-first century China, with its one-child policy, which leads to a shortage of women both dead and alive.The acute shortage of young female corpses for ghost brides was highlighted by the recent arrests of five men from the Sha'anxi province, who were caught digging up the grave of a teenage girl who committed suicide, after failing her university entrance exams.A grieving father, who lost his son to an unexpected automobile accident, paid several men thousands of dollars for a ghost bride for his unmarried son. The father had planned to have a spirit marriage ceremony, joining together his dead son and the female corpse in marriage, so that his son would have a mate in the afterlife.The female ghost bride would then be buried in the same grave with the deceased son, a bachelor in life but not in death.Click here to

By Lillian Elmtree

I had firm experiences as Marie Mon Dieu and cotton bind launch an attack. I was gorgeous unacquainted and silly about men once I was younger. I moreover fright it easier to talk to men than women for some resolution, perchance because I was never into girlie things. As a conclusion of numerous factors, bestow was infrequently a time once my kindness and gain was not misconstrued as flirting and did not make the next of kin or girlfriend, if bestow was one, troubled. I fright for my part in plenty of male friendships but greatest of them were, I open as I gradually grew out of my naivete, never about tenderness from their background. Now I carry one honest to god male friend who sees me as that and only that, I'm obstinate about what I clutch and I've been building some amazing female friendships that will hindrance a all-time. Abut it'd be nice if this class of gender discrimination didn't be there and we possibly will all just be our dulcet selves and bind like we want but, yep, that world don't be there yet.

Source: dominant-male.blogspot.com

How Was Your Day Dear Men Who Dont Talk Are Killing Their Relationship Or Marriage

Curiosity killed the cat, and a woman's curiosity is about to get the best of her, and maybe of him, too. Confident achievers are more inclined to listen than to speak, unless they are teaching, and the more social nature of women make them want men to talk about themselves more than most are comfortable doing. Men also tend to try to separate their work time from their family time and are not driven to explore and milk negative emotions the way women are, so "talking about his bad day," isn't something most men are likely to do unless they are wussy complainers looking for attention. There are ways of handling this mess if you use your head...

Today's edition is on something that has been a recurring theme in readers' letters, a man who doesn't talk enough about himself to satisfy a woman's curiosity. Some men keep secrets because they are ashamed of themselves and their past, but others simply aren't comfortable blowing their own horn.

Achievers tend to let their actions speak for them. I've had a lot of letters from women and men over this problem since it was last breeched in my newsletter (see the archived article at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/635-What-Women-Say-They-Want-in-Their-Relationships-and-Marriage-Sharing-the-Details-of-the-Day?highlight=sharing+drama); from women who think their man is hiding something and from men who are annoyed with what feels like "constant prying and digging." Here's an excellent example. Meet Bernice:

Dear David,

My husband and I have a great marriage and we love each other very much. We purchased your book out of curiosity and I am so glad we did. Even though our marriage is a good one I believe there will always be room for improvement.

There is one area that I would like to ask you about and hope you can help me to understand better what I need to try to do. As far as sex, after reading your book we are again like two teenagers getting away with sex in my parents bed or in some public place that makes us even hotter. The only part of our life that seems to be a problem is we never talk to each other. This is starting to take its toll on me and I feel the wedge between us sinking a bit deeper every day.

I would love to be able to share what happened in our day together over dinner, but it seems the last thing he wants to talk about is his day. I feel like I do not know this man in certain areas in his life and to be honest I do not like how that makes me feel. We never talk about his life before me at all, but his past is not really my biggest concern. Sure I would like to know all I can about him, but I would be happy if he would just open up to me some and share with me portions of his life. I do not feel that is too much to ask him to do.

I would appreciate any ideas you have on this subject, other than this it seems we have the perfect partnership and most loving marriage of any of our friends or for that matter anyone we know. He knows all about me and sometimes I feel like I am married to a stranger.

Thank you for your time,

Bernice

(Gentlemen, stick with me, because there is a huge lesson here to help you to understand women's perceptions.)

Well Bernice, thank you for writing, and I'm going to start by asking you and everyone else who has not read the issue linked above to please do so. It is full of details about why men do this and how to handle it, and I'm not going to reprint it here because according to AWeber (my newsletter broadcaster and autoresponder manager), 84% of subscribers have read that newsletter and I don't want to bore them with a repeat.

I will, however, help you to get some perspective here. You say that you have a wonderful marriage, and that's simply not possible without good communication, which is a strong indication that you are talking a lot more than you are allowing yourself to acknowledge or else you're exaggerating the state of your marriage, which is highly unlikely since this newsletter leaves your identity entirely anonymous and there's no logical reason to do exaggerate. Hence, you're making way too big a deal of him not talking about his past or his workday. The contents of the other article will help you to rectify your problem with the scant or missing "workday report," but not about the issue of him talking about his past, or not talking, as the case may be.

Achievers, the kind of men who make terrific husbands because they are confident, intelligent, usually good leaders with good communications skills, and are therefore highly attractive, know that your mind and body go wherever your eyes are focused. Hence, they are always looking forward, not at the past. They don't spend a lot of time reminiscing about the "good ol' days" because they are constantly making good NEW days. One of the greatest keys to being an achiever is in learning the lessons that any event has to offer and then relegating the event to the past, taking forward only the lesson to guide future choices and actions.

This doesn't mean that achievers have no fond memories, but they are usually far too busy looking forward to the next day, the next week, the next year, the next project or the next venture to be thinking much about the past. It's a boring waste of time for us, as it holds no challenge at all, and it's usually not until such a man has fully retired and is no longer looking forward to his next achievement (which rarely happens for true achievers, even when well beyond retirement age) that he will look favorably on spending much time talking about the past unless he needs it as a backdrop or framing for a lesson he is trying to teach to someone to whom is being a mentor.

"But what if he's hiding something from me?" you say? What do guilty parties do when you ask them questions about something they are trying to hide? No, they don't just refuse to answer or change the subject, they ACT GUILTY!

You've seen it. You ask a simple question like, "What were you doing before you met me?" and they first repeat your question back to you, then respond with something like, "What are you accusing me of?" and act indignant or embarrassed. Only a true sociopath can pull that maneuver off convincingly, because they have a structural and chemical condition in their brain that causes them to have no conscience, no fear of discovery.

Hence, if a man reacts indifferently or amused to a question about his past, he simply IS indifferent or amused, nothing more and nothing less. If he acts embarrassed he is embarrassed, and if he acts defensive he is defensive. No matter how intelligent we may be, when it comes to communication we men are simple creatures, far simpler than women, and if we're hiding something bad that would negatively impact our relationship, women will pick up on it in a heartbeat because they have receptors for non-verbal communication that will likely be thousands of years evolving in men. (There's part of your lesson, Guys: just don't bother lying about anything, because you won't get away with it for long, if at all.)

Now, Gentlemen, as distasteful as it might be, it would also help if you would cut the woman you love some slack and realize that she's not just nosy, she's genuinely curious about you and interested in knowing you as well as she can. Women also connect through sharing accounts of their day and exploring the emotions that the day's events caused. Experiencing the emotions of your day help her to connect, and connection is one of the most important things in any relationship a woman has.

When she asks about your day, try to give her more than just, "Fine," or "Lousy." Something like, "It was a pretty good day. I didn't start any new projects so there's really nothing outstanding to report there, but everything else is moving forward without any kind of spectacular progress or interruption, so it was a day worth spending because I earned my pay. There was a funny thing that happened at lunch; the guy in the next office got a belly-dancer-gram and was embarrassed to death, but that's about it," would tickle the pants off of most women, just because you made the effort to give her more than a monosyllable answer, like, "Fine."

There's another BIG lesson: Women only answer in monosyllables when they are upset with you and have thrown up a wall, and expect that you are doing the same thing, so try to remain aware of that, avoid doing it, and pay attention when she does it because it's a declaration that something needs to be straightened out.

If it was a bad day, "I don't want to talk about it," doesn't work nearly as well as, "It was a very frustrating day, because there were a bunch of idiotic interruptions and nothing really went right, but tomorrow should be better, so if you don't mind I'd really like to just put this day behind me and enjoy spending some time with you." Her curiosity won't be entirely satisfied, but she did get a taste of your frustration and the remaining curiosity will most likely be nullified because you took the time to give her the respect of an explanation instead of just cutting her off like she's insignificant or you're ticked off at her for asking.

As for talking about your past, again, as distasteful as it might seem, try to give her something, even if it's just an interesting or amusing story from time to time, because she's wanting to get to know you better. Women like stability and continuity and are usually also very curious in general, and feeling like they are familiar with your past creates a sense of security for them, as if they have known you all their life. If there are truly painful or embarrassing moments in your past, you should at least tell her that what she's asking about is something that is truly painful or embarrassing that you are trying very hard to move beyond, and at least for the time being it would be best to leave it alone until you can do a better job of resolving it mentally and emotionally.

I have found, in my own life and that of those who have written me about theirs, honesty about one's past to ultimately be the best policy, even if it ends up ending a relationship, because the stress of hiding the past wears on you and the truth about the past can come at you out of nowhere, and it's far less likely to be a problem if she hears it from you than from someone else.

Obviously, confessions are always better received by a spouse than accusations, damning testimony and evidence, and ultimately convictions. Frankly, the time to confess all is between the marriage proposal and the wedding, not after the wedding when everything has become much more complicated. You want a partner to be with you because they choose to be with you, not because they choose not to leave as the lesser of two painful choices. You also want a partner who accepts you as you are, not who merely accepts your best side.

Communicating with your partner can be the glue that binds your relationship or the wedge that drives you apart; it's your choice, and it's a serious one. I cannot tell you how much easier my life has become since learning how to communicate with women; so few men can do it well that women really appreciate it when they are speaking with one, and will just about kill to protect a relationship with such a man because he's rare and valuable, especially if he's an alpha male to whom she's genuinely attracted and knows that he has deliberately evaluated their relationship and decided that it is worth maintaining.

There are some gents on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, right now who are in deep trouble, and at least one of them is saying that failure to communicate is a huge part of what has his wife pressing for divorce. They're getting some help in trying to fix the problem, too, and it would behoove you to read through it.

You can be one of us few guys who "get it" simply by reading and applying what you find in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage.' It's waiting for you at http://www.makingherhappy.com. Get yours now and get busy making your life better, because it's far too short to spend it bored, frustrated, or fearful of being alone. As I keep saying, never put off until tomorrow the success and happiness you can have today!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham

Nlp Training In Dubai By Meirc

nlp training in dubai

meirc

clipped from www.meirc.com

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

TRAINING YOUR MIND FOR SUCCESS WITH NLP

DUBAI

26 JUL - 30 JUL, 2009

BY THE END OF THE PROGRAM, PARTICIPANTS WILL BE ABLE TO:

Define and understand Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and its relevance at work

Identify their preferred thinking patterns and filters.

Apply sensory specific language in their day-to-day interactions with others.

Use modeling techniques to improve their skills.

Use NLP in leading and coaching others.

Understand the law of attraction and how to attract more of what they want.

This Program is designed for:

Managers, supervisors and professionals who wish to understand NLP, its use and how it relates to their work. This program is worth 25 NASBA CPEs.

Healing Crystals For Self Esteem

Self-Esteem, just what is it? Well it is the way we see ourselves for instance. Liking you for who you are. Knowing your strengths and also knowing that you are a worthy person.

Some of the things that we use to judge our self-esteem levels:

It is How you see your value as a person.

How you think others see you and how you feel about it.

Where you fit in and your purpose in life.

The type of job you do and how happy you are doing it.

Things that you have or have not achieved in your life.

How you see your potential for success.

Whether you can stand on your own two feet.

How independent you feel and are.

Low Self-Esteem is caused by all your negative and defeating emotions about yourself. Not Good Enough- No Self-Confidence-Unhappy etc.

High Self-Esteem is brought about by your positive feelings about yourself. Confident Happy and Sure of Yourself etc.

There is also another side to Self-Esteem and that is:

"Excessive Self-Esteem" this can show up as being Over-Confident-superior attitude- Bragging. Some recent studies have shown that Bullying may not be due to "Low Self-Esteem" as has been the long held reason, but to actually due to "Excessive Self-Esteem" being better than anyone else. (This is just some information that I have come across and if you or anyone you know of has ever suffered from low self-esteem it seems to make sense. Well it does to me).

There are some things that we can do to help us improve our Self-Esteem:

Forgive yourself when you make a mistake.

Be Proud and Happy about your strengths and achievements

Stop putting yourself down.

Don't feel guilty about what you think or feel are your weaknesses learn from them.

Stop judging yourself by unreasonable high standards. Not everyone is the same and that does not mean that you are not as good as the next person.

We bring Low Self-Esteem on ourselves mainly by devaluing our own worth and judging ourselves by others.

Here are a list of healing crystals that will help you with your Self-Esteem issues.

Moss Agate: Strengthens Positive Personal Traits, Improve Ego, Brings Emotional Balance, Allows you to see the beauty in all things.

Amazonite: Balance Emotions, Brings Positive Energy, Helps bring and keep Universal Love.

Citrine: Removes Negativity, Promotes Optimism, Balances the Emotions and provides for a Happy Disposition.

Hematite: Helps to Sort Things Out, Dissolves Negativity, Promotes Inner Happiness and helps to remove Self-Limiting Ideas.

Sodalite: Encourages Self-Esteem and Self-Trust, Brings Truth to our Emotions and provides Direction and Purpose.

You can wear the healing crystals or carry them on your person. Place them in your work or home environment. Remember to cleanse them from time to time (no need to clean Citrine as it is self Cleaning and if you use it with other healing crystals it will clean them as well.)You will know when you no longer need the crystals to help you heal.

COLLEEN is the Author of 3 Crystal Healing Books and also a Crystal Healer and Teacher. Breakthrough all the mystery and frustration surrounding crystal healing. Want easy step by step instructions? Discover the hidden secrets of your crystal healing at: Crystal Healing Vibrations

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Colleen Simmons

http://EzineArticles.com/?Healing-Crystals-for-Self-Esteem&id=784887

How To Create Trust Respect And Confidence With Any Audience

BUILDING RAPPORT - COMMUNICATION EXCELLENCE THROUGH TRUST

LEARNING HOW TO BUILD RAPPORT CAN HELP IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION IN ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE.

Where two or more people have created a strong rapport and are understanding each other clearly, there is the potential for communication that is well developed and meaningful.

RAPPORT: THE BASICS

Some people believe that rapport is simply the ability to communicate clearly and effectively.

Rapport is the ability to establish empathy between audience and speaker or customer and sales agent or employer and employee.

Others feel that rapport happens when they dominate a conversation (this is not rapport). Still others feel that they have established rapport as long as they manage to get their point across.

Rapport is much more than any of these.

It is in part, good and effective communication, but it isn't simply a matter of a good conversation.

Rapport is the ability to establish empathy between audience and speaker.

It is the creation of a state of shared feelings and meaning. This state makes good communication easier.

It isn't domination of a conversation, though when you build rapport you do have the ability to lead your audience in a direction of your choosing.

O Build rapport in an interview and you are more likely to land a job.

O Build rapport with a customer service agent and you might walk away with lower prices or better service.

O Build rapport with your audience and you will have the chance to deliver effective and meaningful communication.

RAPPORT - INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL

You may not realize that it is possible to be in rapport with yourself as well as with your audience.

This is internal rapport - a state where you are happy and content with your feelings and thoughts toward a given situation.

It is a state of oneness, where you are comfortable 'in your skin' and reflect that comfort to the world around you.

When you are in rapport with yourself, you are also more in tune with your audience and better able to interpret feedback and adjust your content so that it is meaningful.

"Internal rapport is a state of oneness, where you are comfortable 'in your skin' and reflect that comfort to the world around you."Your audience, whether it's one person or a thousand, will quickly be able to determine whether you are in rapport with yourself, which is why it is more important than ever that you use these techniques to feel confident and secure.

External rapport is the atmosphere of trust that you develop with your audience.

Do you have the ability to establish rapport? Of course you do, you have already done so many times throughout your life. You simply haven't recognized what you were doing.

Have you ever for example engaged in a conversation with someone where the two of you were naturally in sync?

You may have felt as if you were almost speaking with your thoughts as much as with your words. That's a good state of rapport.

You can easily build that same external rapport by design with one other person or a group of people.

SIX WAYS TO BUILD RAPPORT

Here are six things you could do to build rapport with someone.

"u MATCH THEIR WORDS: People like to have relationships with those who think and behave like themselves, or even with those who have similar background.

Matching the way others think and talk is a good way to build rapport with them.

Take note of the indicator words that the person is using that indicate their sensory preferences (such as visual, auditory or kinesthetic) and use similar words/phrases in your communication.

"u MATCH THEIR PHYSIOLOGY: Have you ever noticed that a group of teenagers who are friends bear similarities in their clothing, vocabulary and movements?

People who are in rapport have a tendency to dress in a similar way or have matching body language.

Matching the physiology of someone you're talking to can make him/her feel comfortable.

Copying the person's posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, movements and even their eye blinking, will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind that this person is like me!

There is slight difference between mirroring and matching.

For example if you hold up your right hand and I do the same, I am matching you.

If I hold up my left hand, I am mirroring you as it is as though you are looking in a mirror.

Cross-over matching is where I match with a different part of my body - e.g. if you are tapping your fingers, I can tap my feet.

"u MATCH THEIR VOICE: You should match the tone, tempo, timbre and the volume of the person's voice. If the person is slow and deliberate, he will feel comfortable if you are the same way.

"Building rapport with someone will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind that this person is like me! "

You should also try, when you speak, to use the keywords that they use a lot.

For examples: "Alright", "Actually", "You know what I mean".

"u MATCH THEIR BREATHING: If there is a big difference in the breathing pattern of two people in conversation, both of them would feel uncomfortable.

If you want to build rapport with someone, you need to match the rhythm of breathing of the other person by moving your foot or finger at the same pace.

"u MATCH HOW THEY DEAL WITH INFORMATION: Different people deal with information differently. Some are detail oriented and some prefer it brief. You need to match the other person's way of dealing with information.

If you get this wrong you will find it very difficult to build rapport as the detail-oriented person will be yearning for more information and the other type of person will soon be yawning!

"u MATCH COMMON EXPERIENCES: Suppose, you are a long way from home and met someone, who is a total stranger, and discovered he is from your own hometown.

Before long, you will find yourself in a very lively conversation with the guy, looking for experiences in common.

Consider the opposite case. You are in a restaurant and everybody at your table has been served their food but you. How do you feel? Out of place?

This is all about finding some commonality. If both parties have matching experiences, interests, backgrounds, values and beliefs, they have greater chance to be in rapport.

One point to bear in mind is that you need to be subtle when you are matching and mirroring. Be careful not to exceed the limits. Typically, however, the other person will not notice it.

You can develop your ability to observe other people to such an extent that you will begin to see and even predict people's reactions to communications.

This is known as calibration and is a way of determining whether you are in rapport with someone.

LEADING

Once you have established rapport, you can start changing your audience's viewpoint to more closely match your own. This is called leading.

Do this slowly, and you will elicit a positive response.

You will notice your audience starting to adopt your mannerisms and enthusiasm.

Leading is simply the ability to direct an audience's feelings, thoughts, emotions and responses in a direction that favors your message.

"Once you have established rapport, you can start changing your audience's viewpoint to more closely match your own. "

Once you have mastered the skills of rapport building, you will find that you can lead virtually anyone and any group, large or small, in the direction you wish. Why? Rapport helps build trust.

When people trust in you they are more likely to listen to what you have to say, empathize with you and take on your ideas, intentions and meaning. Rapport can be used to lead most audiences in a positive manner.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

As with most things, rapport-building techniques become more effective the more you use them so it's important that you practice whenever possible. And it can be a lot of fun!

Consider working in small groups or one-on-one with a close friend before trying this on an important audience.

You can practice building rapport with strangers at the grocery store or even in line at the coffee shop.

In fact, the best people to try your new skills on are strangers, because your rapport building skills will be most useful when you are speaking to strangers.

To build effective rapport you must be patient and you must be an exceptional observer.

Don't spend every moment concentrating on your own actions, but instead pay close attention to those of your audience.

Key Performance Indicators Of Good Leadership

Guest post from DR. GREG ALSTON:

"Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results not attributes.

"- Peter Drucker"

This quote by one of the most respected management theorists of the last 100 years crystallizes the essence of how to determine whether someone is a good leader or not. Good leaders find a way to get the job done. Great leaders find a way to get their team to perform better than they thought was possible and to succeed despite their shortcomings. Good people like to join good companies run by good leaders. Unfortunately good people also leave good companies because of a bad manager. And bad managers infect every organization. A bad leader is identified by his ability to destroy the effectiveness of his team. A BossHole is that particularly bad manager who sucks the joy, life, energy and enthusiasm out of their organization. "The BossHole Effect" is what happens to a company run by a poor leader. Instead of performing high quality work that adds value to the economy they do uninspired mediocre work. Instead of providing great customer service that inspires customers to sing their praises they do sloppy inattentive work that annoys their customers. These BossHole managers are the arrogant, irritating, snarky people who make good people want to quit even though they like the company.

Here are ten ways you can tell the difference between a BossHole and a good boss:

1. When a good boss does something stupid he will acknowledge the screw-up, apologize for his error and fix it. BossHoles never think anything is their fault and they never apologize because in their imaginary world they are never wrong.

2. Good bosses normally ask you to do something for them and only occasionally tell you what to do. BossHoles never ask, they always tell. And they demand that you to stop whatever you are doing to get it done for them regardless of what else you have to do.

3. Good bosses only hold meetings when they are necessary to move the team effort forward. Bad bosses hold meetings all the time so they can hear themselves speak. They do not respect their employee's time or efforts.

4. Good bosses' immediately correct poor performance in an employee before it has a chance to get out of hand. A BossHole ignores poor performance until it festers and becomes such a big deal that he has to belittle and demean someone in front of their peers.

5. A good boss knows that good people occasionally do bad things and need to be given a break. A BossHole thinks that all employees need to be micromanaged for them to be useful.

6. A good boss deflects praise for a job well done on to the efforts of his team and steps up to take the blame for any failure. A BossHole takes credit for anything good that happens and deflects the blame for any failure on to his team.

7. A good leader finds a way to inspire average people to perform at a championship caliber level. A BossHole finds a way to demoralize above average people to perform mediocre work.

8. A good leader builds consensus and inspires his team to new heights. A BossHole creates a culture of infighting, back biting sabotage of the team's effort.

9. A good leader leads from in front a BossHole drives from behind.

10. A good leader won't allow his team to fail. A BossHole won't allow his team to succeed.

After 35 years of research in to the key performance indicators of leadership success a new tool has been developed to allow employees to quickly and easily identify BossHole behavior. The BossHole Rating scale describes 5 different categories of Boss. These are: Great Boss, Good Boss, Partial BossHole, BossHole and Complete BossHole. The leadership dimensions assessed focus on the unmistakable behaviors that signal good and bad leadership behavior. Anyone can use the Boss Rating system to rate a current or former boss using the Rate Your Boss Tool or they can rate themselves using the separate Rate Your Self as a Boss Tool.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:Dr. Greg L. Alston is the developer of the Boss Rating System and the Best Selling author of, "The BossHole Effect, Three Simple Steps Anyone Can Follow to Become a Great Boss and Lead a Successful Team." He has owned and operated a variety of businesses, worked for hundreds of bosses and supervised thousands of employees. His no nonsense approach and clear informal teaching style will teach you how to Coach others, Command respect, and Create an environment in which your team can thrive. Leadership is not a personality trait; it is a way of acting. Great leaders build great teams. Great teams achieve great things. The call to leadership is a call to action and this action begins when you buy and read his book.

Fear Of The Feminine

PHOBIA:

" 1. A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous."2. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion."

If one would compare ancient civilisation and modern civilisation, one would see that some things have remained the same. We have and are living in a society where male domination has always been part of the structure of society on a whole. Nowadays, one will observe that most things feminine are devalued even if those said feminine things are secretly envied. The people most afflicted with femiphobia up until recently have always been men. Men are extremely uncomfortable when they feel like their masculinity is under threat. There is really no basis for their extreme fear of the feminine. Their fear is quite irrational and most people with an ounce of sense will see that this is true.

The very feminine and elegant Selita Ebanks.

Traditionally it has always been men who suffered from extreme femiphobia. And it is somewhat understandable because the biggest fear for a lot of straight men are to be perceived as feminine. Therefor many of them would reject or smother any feelings or emotions that are seen as feminine. Men were thought from a very young age that it was not ok to cry or wear their feelings on their sleeves. If they felt any pain or sadness they were told to suck it up and be a man because men are only allowed to exhibit one emotion freely and that emotion is ANGER. Although anger is seen as a negative emotion, particularly in women, men are somehow allowed to express their anger whenever and where ever they feel. If a woman is angry and she shows that she is angry, she is always looked upon unfavorably by others. Whereas a man can get angry at anytime in any given situation and people will naturally turn a blind eye because well, it's a man and men are allowed to show macho emotions like anger. If a man experience emotions like fear, sadness, love and happiness he is seen as less masculine.

Kerry Washington, the epitome of black femininity.

A new trend among young adults has emerged. Now men are more feminine and women are more masculine. In this current generation, girls are being trained from a very young age to be hard, independent go getters.Women are encouraged to adopt traits that were once seen as masculine. More and more women are taking jobs that were once reserved for men because they were told from a very young age that they can do anything that a man can do. This may be true, and we must acknowledge that the feminist movement allowed us women the freedom to do things that were once denied us, but where does all this leave room for a woman to be feminine?

Now the tables have turned because it's women who are now afraid of the feminine. Believe it or not, but many women are afraid to wear traditionally women's clothing like dresses and skirts. Women are now afraid to be vulnerable, sweet, kind, and nurturing because they are afraid that they would be perceived as weak. Why is this happening? And where does all this leave black women.

I started this blog because I was tired of hearing and reading about how masculine or unfeminine black women are. I was fed up of hearing that we were the least desirable because I knew this was not true and I also knew this from experience because I've always had men of all races attracted to me. If one would observe and be honest, one would admit that modern women on a whole are far less feminine than women from past generations.

A lot of things that were once 'feminine' are now being replaced with sexy. Sex and sex appeal is everything. And the sad thing is that most women nowadays cannot tell the difference between sexy and feminine. They think they are being feminine by wearing tight and too short clothes with too much makeup. There is no room for modesty and poise. Most of the images that are on television and magazines are so over sexed that people (mostly men as they are more visual) now need a lot more stimulation just to enjoy the act of sex itself. Just look at any music video or pick up a magazine and you will see what I'm talking about.

Because femininity has been demonised by a highly masculine culture, women are now ashamed to show any signs of femininity. And now, unless it's a celebrity, one is hard pressed to find a woman who is dressed femininely and modestly. Sexy is in and the more skin you show the better. Why bother to leave anything to the imagination? Most people nowadays lack imagination anyway so why bother?

Naomi Campbell is so far out of most men league because she dresses classy and feminine. I mean this woman dates billionaires!

I will tell you why; femininity in this modern western society is rare. Yes believe me it is rare. Men are so starved of the feminine woman that when he does finally meet one, he doesn't know what to do with her. When people see a refined, elegant and beautiful feminine woman, who enjoy doing traditionally feminine things like cooking, baking and wearing dresses in colours other than black, they have to stop for a moment and look on in awe. Yes sexy, trampy, scantily clad women are everywhere and people seem to love these women to a certain extent, but there is nothing special about them. Anyone can be sexy but not everyone can be classy and feminine.

I've had people say things like being feminine is expensive and only celebrities and the rich can afford it. This obviously isn't true. Any woman can afford to dress classy and feminine, even the ones who are on a tight budget so I don't know why people think that in order for them to look good, they'll have to break the bank.

And in the midst of all this madness, black women are left lost and confused. We have been thought that femininity is not for us. throughout history, there have been only two types of black women, the "Mammy" or the "Jezebel". Most people believed that a black woman can be either or and nothing beyond that. In the black community, when a black woman dresses well (elegant, classy and feminine) carries herself with poise and dignity, looks after her health and her own well being, she is looked on with extreme suspicion. She is accused of being uppity or bougeois. She may have people saying that she is not black or that she has to be mixed because apparently in the black community, only mixed women can be classy and feminine *rolls eyes*.

And why is this woman looked at with suspicion and malice? It's because she is different. Yes like I said, the feminine woman is rare and a feminine black woman is even rarer. However, if all black women were to become classy, elegant and feminine, then it would become normal.When someone sees a black woman who is poised, feminine and classy, it will not come as a shock. When you turn on the TV you will see classy feminine black women. Not Jezebel/video vixens shaking their booty like it's nobody's business. This image is too easily associated with black women and for it to change, it must start with us.

Even dark skin black women can be classy and feminine like the beautiful Naomi and Iman.

We must teach our daughters that it's ok to be independent but that she should not sacrifice her femininity and dignity to achieve her dreams. But you as a mother should set an example because kids don't listen to what you're saying, they look at what you're doing.

I think that it's a shame that many black mothers aren't teaching their daughters how to be modest and feminine. Unfortunately most of these women lack basic knowledge in the art of femininity because they themselves were not thought. They had no role models. Most likely they grew up in a single parent home where their mother was also forced to be the father. When there is a lack of male presence in a home, children will grow up not knowing what femininity is and this is because of the absence of the masculine figure in the home. Most of the girls from these broken homes will grow up eventually and they will go through life not knowing how to be feminine. This is bad because these girls will not be able to maintain healthy relationships with men. Some of them will eventually figure it out, but most of them wouldn't be so lucky.

This is why I believe that black women should really embrace femininity. I believe that many of us are actually afraid to be feminine, because let's face it, femininity does not always come naturally. Most people would think that as long as one is female, then that automatically makes one feminine. We have come to learn that this isn't always the case because if femininity came naturally to all women, then there wouldn't be so many articles and blogs about femininity.

Unfortunately femininity is constantly under valued because many of us do in fact fear the feminine because we've been brain washed to think that femininity equals weakness or only for white people. Just imagine, a lot of women who wear dresses are made to feel uncomfortable. I've had people asking me why I wear so many skirts and dresses as if I wasn't normal or something. I just smile sweetly and say that I love wearing skirts and dresses. It's not everyday I feel like explaining myself. I've even had a boyfriend who complained because he didn't like that I wear a lot of dresses lol. I eventually found out that he was insecure and he felt intimidated because he thought that he wasn't good enough for me and that someone better would come along and steal me away from him. And he was right.

You see, when a woman is feminine and dresses accordingly, this immediately increases her value in the dating market. Most women don't realise how important this is. Men are genetically programmed to be attracted to the feminine. It's how nature intended. Therefor the more feminine and classy a woman is, the more likely that she would attract a high quality man. If a woman carries herself well and dresses like a lady, she WILL most definitely attract the high quality man she's looking for. The regular Joe knows that this type of woman is out of his league so he will not waste his time approaching her unless he is arrogant or he feels that he has nothing to lose. It doesn't matter what race or shade a woman is. A high quality woman is a high quality women and most men know it. This is something that we as black women should think about.

Well this is all I have to say on this topic. I add pictures to most of my posts because I believe that it is important to share positive images of various black women looking elegant and feminine. If anyone has anything to add please feel free to do so in the comment section below. I would like to know what you guys think.

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How Can You Believe If He Cheated

If you've been cheated on, there's not a subordinate feeling: accomplice you loved and theoretical in sharply became the raft. Has he turned impolite towards you? The responsible boyfriend or husband is now false. How do you trust him or hold him, ever again? Can you? Can you believably free the toad? There's a aperture he'll do it again, if he gets obtainable with it bearing in mind. On the ancient assign, people make mistakes, then again this produce of literal is one of the hardest for couples to arise. It's not just the improper of your trust, it's the lack of respect and the falsehearted that becomes harder to free over time.You can always move guarantee that will avoid your boyfriend from falsehearted on you anytime in the near-term. Men think of falsehearted as soon as various woman starts enthralling them. You can easily ward off from it and keep your man hooked by prompt some heroic tips from "The Mortal Men Exalt...And Never Crave To Commence"Portray ARE A FEW Guidelines FOR Establishment In imitation of Separate CHEATED ON:

* Last at least a two day break from him in the wake of you find out he's cheated. You don't want to knee-jerk fulfil, and next feature regrets. Or act spontaneously. You need to levelheaded down and think, about you and about your relationship. Do you want a man who isn't trustworthy?
* See it wasn't you at all. It was him. The men that trap are emotional midgets, not man enough to talk to you if they were unhappiness in the relationship, choosing a coward's way out. Give a sermon to him as soon as you're elsewhere, but don't move on any shame. He cheated, not you
* Identify with the problems you'll example if you free him and halt together. The dent in your trust is not just that he cheated, but he lied to you. He unnoticed you. Side by side if you convene to work substance out, and he can prove that it's over with the Last Mortal, you'll be obsessed at every telephone call and boys' night out for a long time. Unsophisticated him the first time was hard enough, the second will move greatly longer. Are you resolved to work that hard for him?
* Don't feature a grudge contract, to get him back or the same the scrape. He's just killed your self-esteem, how is being with accomplice besides departure to repair the trust in your relationship? It press make you feel subordinate. Next communicate will be two of you troubled and jealous. It's a bad idea.
* Don't use it as a well-to-do gun you can hex out in any punish for months to come. If he cheated and you forgave him, it's a refined give and take. It's done with as soon as you free him.

It's feasible to trust your boyfriend or husband in the wake of he's cheated and still feature a relationship. Selected couples convene. But the relationship and the trust you had has not the same. It'll move a lot of communication and time, from all of you.The good news is that utmost men are one-timers and not repeat offenders. But communicate are likewise serial-cheaters out there- and they won't be broken up any time straightforwardly. If this was the second time communicate will be a third, fourth and fifth.Convinced.