Fear Of The Feminine

PHOBIA:

" 1. A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous."2. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion."

If one would compare ancient civilisation and modern civilisation, one would see that some things have remained the same. We have and are living in a society where male domination has always been part of the structure of society on a whole. Nowadays, one will observe that most things feminine are devalued even if those said feminine things are secretly envied. The people most afflicted with femiphobia up until recently have always been men. Men are extremely uncomfortable when they feel like their masculinity is under threat. There is really no basis for their extreme fear of the feminine. Their fear is quite irrational and most people with an ounce of sense will see that this is true.

The very feminine and elegant Selita Ebanks.

Traditionally it has always been men who suffered from extreme femiphobia. And it is somewhat understandable because the biggest fear for a lot of straight men are to be perceived as feminine. Therefor many of them would reject or smother any feelings or emotions that are seen as feminine. Men were thought from a very young age that it was not ok to cry or wear their feelings on their sleeves. If they felt any pain or sadness they were told to suck it up and be a man because men are only allowed to exhibit one emotion freely and that emotion is ANGER. Although anger is seen as a negative emotion, particularly in women, men are somehow allowed to express their anger whenever and where ever they feel. If a woman is angry and she shows that she is angry, she is always looked upon unfavorably by others. Whereas a man can get angry at anytime in any given situation and people will naturally turn a blind eye because well, it's a man and men are allowed to show macho emotions like anger. If a man experience emotions like fear, sadness, love and happiness he is seen as less masculine.

Kerry Washington, the epitome of black femininity.

A new trend among young adults has emerged. Now men are more feminine and women are more masculine. In this current generation, girls are being trained from a very young age to be hard, independent go getters.Women are encouraged to adopt traits that were once seen as masculine. More and more women are taking jobs that were once reserved for men because they were told from a very young age that they can do anything that a man can do. This may be true, and we must acknowledge that the feminist movement allowed us women the freedom to do things that were once denied us, but where does all this leave room for a woman to be feminine?

Now the tables have turned because it's women who are now afraid of the feminine. Believe it or not, but many women are afraid to wear traditionally women's clothing like dresses and skirts. Women are now afraid to be vulnerable, sweet, kind, and nurturing because they are afraid that they would be perceived as weak. Why is this happening? And where does all this leave black women.

I started this blog because I was tired of hearing and reading about how masculine or unfeminine black women are. I was fed up of hearing that we were the least desirable because I knew this was not true and I also knew this from experience because I've always had men of all races attracted to me. If one would observe and be honest, one would admit that modern women on a whole are far less feminine than women from past generations.

A lot of things that were once 'feminine' are now being replaced with sexy. Sex and sex appeal is everything. And the sad thing is that most women nowadays cannot tell the difference between sexy and feminine. They think they are being feminine by wearing tight and too short clothes with too much makeup. There is no room for modesty and poise. Most of the images that are on television and magazines are so over sexed that people (mostly men as they are more visual) now need a lot more stimulation just to enjoy the act of sex itself. Just look at any music video or pick up a magazine and you will see what I'm talking about.

Because femininity has been demonised by a highly masculine culture, women are now ashamed to show any signs of femininity. And now, unless it's a celebrity, one is hard pressed to find a woman who is dressed femininely and modestly. Sexy is in and the more skin you show the better. Why bother to leave anything to the imagination? Most people nowadays lack imagination anyway so why bother?

Naomi Campbell is so far out of most men league because she dresses classy and feminine. I mean this woman dates billionaires!

I will tell you why; femininity in this modern western society is rare. Yes believe me it is rare. Men are so starved of the feminine woman that when he does finally meet one, he doesn't know what to do with her. When people see a refined, elegant and beautiful feminine woman, who enjoy doing traditionally feminine things like cooking, baking and wearing dresses in colours other than black, they have to stop for a moment and look on in awe. Yes sexy, trampy, scantily clad women are everywhere and people seem to love these women to a certain extent, but there is nothing special about them. Anyone can be sexy but not everyone can be classy and feminine.

I've had people say things like being feminine is expensive and only celebrities and the rich can afford it. This obviously isn't true. Any woman can afford to dress classy and feminine, even the ones who are on a tight budget so I don't know why people think that in order for them to look good, they'll have to break the bank.

And in the midst of all this madness, black women are left lost and confused. We have been thought that femininity is not for us. throughout history, there have been only two types of black women, the "Mammy" or the "Jezebel". Most people believed that a black woman can be either or and nothing beyond that. In the black community, when a black woman dresses well (elegant, classy and feminine) carries herself with poise and dignity, looks after her health and her own well being, she is looked on with extreme suspicion. She is accused of being uppity or bougeois. She may have people saying that she is not black or that she has to be mixed because apparently in the black community, only mixed women can be classy and feminine *rolls eyes*.

And why is this woman looked at with suspicion and malice? It's because she is different. Yes like I said, the feminine woman is rare and a feminine black woman is even rarer. However, if all black women were to become classy, elegant and feminine, then it would become normal.When someone sees a black woman who is poised, feminine and classy, it will not come as a shock. When you turn on the TV you will see classy feminine black women. Not Jezebel/video vixens shaking their booty like it's nobody's business. This image is too easily associated with black women and for it to change, it must start with us.

Even dark skin black women can be classy and feminine like the beautiful Naomi and Iman.

We must teach our daughters that it's ok to be independent but that she should not sacrifice her femininity and dignity to achieve her dreams. But you as a mother should set an example because kids don't listen to what you're saying, they look at what you're doing.

I think that it's a shame that many black mothers aren't teaching their daughters how to be modest and feminine. Unfortunately most of these women lack basic knowledge in the art of femininity because they themselves were not thought. They had no role models. Most likely they grew up in a single parent home where their mother was also forced to be the father. When there is a lack of male presence in a home, children will grow up not knowing what femininity is and this is because of the absence of the masculine figure in the home. Most of the girls from these broken homes will grow up eventually and they will go through life not knowing how to be feminine. This is bad because these girls will not be able to maintain healthy relationships with men. Some of them will eventually figure it out, but most of them wouldn't be so lucky.

This is why I believe that black women should really embrace femininity. I believe that many of us are actually afraid to be feminine, because let's face it, femininity does not always come naturally. Most people would think that as long as one is female, then that automatically makes one feminine. We have come to learn that this isn't always the case because if femininity came naturally to all women, then there wouldn't be so many articles and blogs about femininity.

Unfortunately femininity is constantly under valued because many of us do in fact fear the feminine because we've been brain washed to think that femininity equals weakness or only for white people. Just imagine, a lot of women who wear dresses are made to feel uncomfortable. I've had people asking me why I wear so many skirts and dresses as if I wasn't normal or something. I just smile sweetly and say that I love wearing skirts and dresses. It's not everyday I feel like explaining myself. I've even had a boyfriend who complained because he didn't like that I wear a lot of dresses lol. I eventually found out that he was insecure and he felt intimidated because he thought that he wasn't good enough for me and that someone better would come along and steal me away from him. And he was right.

You see, when a woman is feminine and dresses accordingly, this immediately increases her value in the dating market. Most women don't realise how important this is. Men are genetically programmed to be attracted to the feminine. It's how nature intended. Therefor the more feminine and classy a woman is, the more likely that she would attract a high quality man. If a woman carries herself well and dresses like a lady, she WILL most definitely attract the high quality man she's looking for. The regular Joe knows that this type of woman is out of his league so he will not waste his time approaching her unless he is arrogant or he feels that he has nothing to lose. It doesn't matter what race or shade a woman is. A high quality woman is a high quality women and most men know it. This is something that we as black women should think about.

Well this is all I have to say on this topic. I add pictures to most of my posts because I believe that it is important to share positive images of various black women looking elegant and feminine. If anyone has anything to add please feel free to do so in the comment section below. I would like to know what you guys think.